Saturday, September 26, 2009

And So I'm Going Away

I may have OCD.

I need the magazines and newspapers to be placed only in the newspaper stand and absolutely straight. I need the shoes to be lined up in a straight line if they are outside the shelf at all. I have three dustbins in various sizes in the kitchen for various purposes (vegetable peels and tetra-pack corners, food scraps from dinner plates, general waste etc). I need the kitchen platform and the tables in the living room to be empty at all times when they are not in use. And everything needs to look spotlessly clean. I am not exactly Jack Nicholson from As Good As It Gets but you get the ring.

But every once in a while something comes over me. The shoes start taking angles of 30 or 60 degrees. The books being read start piling up on any table available to pile in the house. The newspaper remains on the table from the morning’s read instead of in the stand…where newspapers from the previous 3 days are stacked instead of in the old newspaper stack. And the house slowly goes into a mess.

I believe the house or one’s home is a perfect reflection of one’s mind at any given point in time. A clean orderly house points to a person whose thoughts are in order and who is at peace with life. A disorderly house indicates confusion in the head. There is no evidence for this theory other than my own experience with my present abode but that’s what I believe.

So my house needs some cleaning, organization and change of arrangement now. It needs those old corners to be dusted and for the books to be rearranged (by size and category) in the bookshelf in the living room. It needs new hand towels for the wash basin as opposed to the well-used ones we have now. It needs a fresh scent instead of the lavender and lemon grass I have been diffusing so far. It needs some attention.

So does my mind. And so I am going away. Alone. Before I shop for nice and new things for my house I am going to repair or replace the furniture in my head. And the best way I can think of to do that is among strangers in a strange land…to travel far out so I can travel within, the expanse being directly proportional. And so I am going away. Alone.

There is no map for this journey. Exploration is the only aim. In either direction. And it could not have been any other way. If you don’t know where you are going inside your head it doesn’t matter where you are headed in the physical dimension either. You’ve got to figure it out. And that’s just how it is going to be.

Hopefully I will come back with a mind smelling fresh from the lush greens of the Western Ghats…thoughts rearranged much like the tables, chairs and the bed at home…more light falling onto the soul through the windows of my eyes witnessing new sights…a nice clean orderly mind to get the rut out and radiance back in.

And sooner or later the newspapers will get back in the magazine stand, the shoes will return to their orderly file, the table will be moved and a fresh scent will linger in the corridor.

It isn’t for nothing that they say As Within, So Without.

9 Thinkers Pondered:

Smita said...

Hope you come back refreshed and at peace with urself :)

But somehow I love the way you put across ur thoughts!!!

mentalie said...

as the wise have often said - the farthest we travel is inside our head . have fun, anupama :)

Satish said...

No other place better than Western Ghats to clear a cluttered mind. Serene surroundings allows a meaningful insight.Hope the clarity lasts(easy to get cluttered in City life)

kedar said...

you're taking a vacation, right? lucky you! my paid leaves just keep accumulating but some day, i'll take one big nice long lazy holiday. just don't know when.

Eveline said...

Sometimes you need to feel completely alone- mentally and physically. It’s a relief. And it’s a good thing to take the time to think and put things in perspective.
I've been there. Everything you said above times, oh, 20 or so.
My repect for you, post after post, has skyrocketed. I love your writing. Good luck with your struggles, congratulations on your successes and hope i see you back soon. I'm so glad I'm reading along.

Rahul said...

If by chance you watch friends, you sound a lot like monica :D

Science Bloggers Association said...

Nice Blog. Congrats.
-Zakir Ali ‘Rajnish’
{ Secretary-TSALIIM & SBAI }
[Editor- Children’s Poem & Adult’s Poem]

Anupama said...

Hey Smita!

Thank you for the compliment :) ...the vacation was refreshing for sure...it's amazing what a few days of being in a new place can do to you!

Hey Mentalie!

Thanks :) ...I did have loads of fun and some insights too...how did you spend the long weekends?

Hey Satish!

I wanted to hit the Western Ghats and be in those lush green mountains for a while, around Chikmagalur mostly...but it worked out otherwise...have kept the ghats for another trip :)

Hey Kedar!

I hope you get to go on a nice vacation soon and enjoy it to the fullest :)

Hey Eve!

Those words mean a lot to me...that you know what it means to be all by yourself and why it is necessary sometimes although you may not be able to explain why...thanks for the lovely words sweety...hope to meet you soon and have this conversation for real :)

Hey Rahul,

welcome to the space and thank you for the comment :) ...I am actually a combination of Ross and Monica (I clean when I feel anxious or unwell :D )...lethal combination :D

Btw you have clicked some awesome pictures I must say! I became a fan instantly!

Hello Rajnish and the Scince Bloggers Association,

Thank you so much for stopping by and for the wishes :)

HaRy!! said...

oo i hav heard soo much of the western Ghats and yet i never hav been around! :D...nice blog yu have...cya around !! blogrolling yu!.