Saturday, October 18, 2008

Tears In Heaven

I was a thought. In the mind of a young man. In his heart, he always knew the thought would materialize one day…because he had already chosen a name for it. And sure enough it did…the universe brought him his thought…it was called Anupama.
I turn 24 tonight at midnight. And as I face the mirror tonight, to accuse, to defend and to finally judge the figure that stands in front of me, there will be evidence presented of what was won and what was lost to aid the judgement. And the balance might not tip in favour of a clean chit. That remains my greatest apprehension as I enter the courtroom of life tonight.
For tomorrow, a new year, a new age and a new life will begin. And tonight it will be decided if this form will enter that life scot-free to commit more crimes or if this form will go to the gallows and tomorrow will be rebirth.
If there is conviction, there will have to be correction – in the way one speaks, thinks and lives. Fewer words, saner thoughts, a more careful treading of the path of life…but is that living at all.
In fear…
Of getting hurt…
Of being misunderstood…
Of opening up to the wrong people…
That is a cell of a life from where there is no redemption even if one digs for eternity. It is the mind that needs to be opened for escaping from this prison. It entails taking risks – with thoughts, with people, with life. It entails being true to oneself before anyone else lest the regrets of a lifetime suffocate you in the enclosure one has built for oneself. It entails getting out of all sorts of comfort zones, having the courage to say “I was wrong. But I wouldn’t have had it any other way” and moving on with the lesson. What it really entails is choosing between the safe cocoon of a manicured and perfect life and the wild world.
I would choose the wild world any day of the week and twice on a Sunday.
Because that is what the young man’s thought was. It was a child of fearlessness and it was brought up to be that way. To betray its purpose is to kill the thought. It is to bring the young man tears in heaven.
People are there to love and to be loved.
They hurt and get hurt, but the heart was given the power to feel the pain because it was a very real possibility.
Words are there to be said (as a friend told me yesterday – its what you don’t say that REALLY gets you in trouble)
They lead to misunderstandings, but they are there in turn to be cleared, not to eclipse relationships.
Life is there to be lived, not waited upon for it to get better.
It goes awry sometimes, but that’s where the adventure is.
The choice is ours to choose between the adventure and the glass cabin that we make life out to be, safe and watching from the distance. The real thing is to get in the game.
I am the adventurer…and I am here to live.

3 Thinkers Pondered:

Satish said...

Many Many Happy returns of the day!!!!( i didnot mean returning of the same thoughts)

We have one life and it needs to led in one's own term. These are the times when the values and beliefs are tested and the faith reinforced.

Hopefully u have a funfilled day tommorrow......Stay the way u are and sure they wont be betrayal!!!!!

Wishing again a happy and funfilled year, with lots of posts on the blog.....


Amit said...

Belated birthday wishes...

Utsarg said...

Nice post. A perfect gift to oneself on 24th birthday.
This is what is generally referred to as mid-20s crisis. Good to see you sailing through it with strength.
From unspoken but understood (or misunderstood) words to messy relationships to faltering dreams to rebuilding hopes and more... life is actually a very beautiful adventure... Am sure you would come out braver than what you were when you entered this baffling mystery of mid-20s where things go awry more often than usual. And as your next post suggest, with a little bit help from friends, the thought is only going to become more beautiful and polished in this adventure.