Thursday, August 21, 2008

What About Now

It was a little after spring in Bangalore and an apt time to hear a song like this – What About Now by Chris Daughtry. A song that is handing out new hope when I need it most…

I like this song for many reasons – the tune, the rock music at the core yet the soft feel on the outside, Chris’s unforgettable voice…but today and at this stage of life, I remember this song for only one reason – what it says.

I have often wondered what love is. This part of the song takes my muse further
-
What about now?
What about today?
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?

It characterizes my idea of love perfectly. Love is probably that which makes you what you are truly meant to be, all that you can be, much more than you are right now. Love is a positive force that can only inspire you to a higher ideal. It can only help you grow. It can only make you better. Love is the wave of strength upon which you can ride and conquer any mountain. Love is transformation, love is metamorphosis, love is growth.

If it feels heavy, feels like it is limiting you, like your hands are tied, like your deepest dearest dreams and desires have no outlet and no one to understand them, like you are being pulled back, pulled down…then in all probability it is not love. It is something else. It is for you to figure out what it is and whether it is worth it.

As for me, I am not sure what love exactly is anymore. But I do know deep in my heart that it is supposed to feel good. It is the glint in your eye. It is the bounce in your step. It is the perpetual smile in your heart. Whatever brings you all this is love. It could be something innately simple or completely wild. But it has to take you to the next level. It has to be the light in your life. It has to be the assurance that will let you take on the world.

Though I am still figuring it out, to me love is having a good and fulfilling conversation when there are things to share, sharing a silent moment at other times and being completely comfortable with it. There should be no rush to fill the silences because they are as much a part of the relationship as are the words…

Love is having morning tea together. Love is taking a walk and enjoying the breeze together or walking on the beach with sand between your toes and knowing you’re not alone. Love is watching a lovely sunset together and being glad to have someone to watch it with so you can reminisce about it later over tea and smile together. Love is also being in the same room not doing the same thing yet being peaceful inside just to have the other person around. That’s what love is – a peaceful happy feeling.

Love is knowing all that is quirky about the other person and liking him all the more for it. Love is knowing what every smile means, what is up when the other person frowns in a particular way, knowing the other person inside out. Love is ensuring the other person is comfortable. Love is wanting to see the other person happy.

It needs virtually no effort to bring small moments of infinite happiness with the other person in daily life…it just needs one to be slightly more aware about the presence of another person on life than oneself. I once read a very apt quote somewhere – Love is the realization that something other than yourself is real.

There will surely be sour moments in a relationship. But they will always give way in front of the power of love. You will be able to sleep peacefully knowing that things will be alright no matter how things are at the moment. Love will always prevail.

I know it sounds like I idealize love sometimes but I believe that it is not impossible to find the kind of love I have in mind. I was watching an episode of Scrubs the other day where Dr. John Dorian (the protagonist) said, “I do not believe that we are meant to be by ourselves”. I am clinging to that thought as if my life depended on it…

That brings me to my favourite thought from the song, one that keeps me going –

For all the things that never died,
To make it through the night,
Love will find you.

Hearing this fills me with hope. It turns the whole concept around. I have heard phrases like ‘Looking for love…’ ‘In search of love…’ etc (I used one a while ago myself). But this song makes me feel that love has a role to play too…love will find me. It makes me believe in love. It makes me think that love does not have to be a dramatic treasure hunt…it might as well softly walk up to me and catch me totally unawares to ask, “Where have you been all this while?? I have been looking for you!”

So What About Now? For now, I wait. Now its love’s turn to find me. And if you find it asking for me, tell it I’m right here.

9 Thinkers Pondered:

Cosmonaut said...

Wow - the core ideas of ancient mysticism and modern science all distilled into one thoughtful post.
: - )

It IS true - Love (however one defines it) is what gives meaning to the distant stars and galaxies, to the geographies that separate people, and to the billions of neurons in our heads which separate our thoughts.

All else in life - financial, social, intellectual agendas are flaff, stuff, puff despite all the importance given to them.

Sowmya said...

Dear Anu,

I hope love finds you soon...very soon... Keep the faith...

Pray for me too...

Nice to see a post from you after a long time... :)

Vinni said...

you know anu, this post was probably right from the bottom of your heart. the words you used, will always ring in my heart and provide me solace during those lonely times. love will perhaps find me one day. and deep down, if it has to happen it will.
this is perhaps the best definition of love i have ever come across. really.

Utsarg said...

Wonderful. You once again make a masterpiece, this time capturing the tenderness, the purity, the serenity of a most satisfying feeling of Love. Really very well put.
The core theme of Love being an evolution of a creature from being very normal to the highest peak he/she can achieve is touching. May be this is the thing that makes you feel loved and drives you ahead, not only on those sand beaches and morning teas and lovely sunsets, but also in moment of despair, grief, helplessness, irritation and misery. It is the thing you surrender to... where you go and hide from entire world... into a world of your own... where after putting up a brave face in front of all adversaries and difficulties life throws at you, you can actually resign for a moment from life and let your eyes get damp and throat choked with sorrow... just because you know the person in front of you understands what you are going through. You don’t expect him/her to solace you by words of hands... but just the feeling that there is one soul who understand your pain, grief and wishes that you overcome them… when your life expects you to come out winner overcoming all hurdles, you have a soul to whom you can go and say you are tired and want to give up… because you know that soul knows you are not going to give up, but fight it back for him/her. May be that’s what you mean when you say you know that person inside out, wanting that person to be happy...

Wishing here from the bottom of the heart that Love finds you... soon and forever.

Satish said...

Once a youg man asked a sage when will he find true love. The sage shows him an endless field and says, when u find the best straw in the field you will find true love. The young man asks, if the field is endless, how can i choose the best straw without covering the entire field. For that, the sage replies, it is upto to you to decide when you think you have found the best straw and stop.

This parable still holds till today. We can wait for true love to happen, but it left to us to decide how long we wait!

Hope your wait ends soon and you find you knight in shining armour soon ( old cliche repeated again).

However, on a lighter vein, when someone asked what is the cure for love at first sight, he said - Take a closer second look.

Another soul added to club waiting for true love to happen :)

Kalyan said...

Anupama, Wonderful post! Its crisp, touching and pure.

Love builds inch-by-inch and step-by-step as you SEE the other person changing himself to see you happy, and when you do the same for him. Positive reciprocation is a measure of how sensitive one is to the good one receives. This builds a passionate cycle of deeds, happiness and gratefulness. Love is not about how commonalities exist without a conflict… it is about how synergies build from differences.

When we walk a hundred miles, we understand the pleasure of sitting for a moment. I believe it completely. I wont know the value of an accomplishment unless the dream kept me awake through long nights after hard tiring days. It is the same with a relationship. You don’t know when it is worthy of being happy about unless you have walked on the gravel, barefoot, seeking to understand, sharing the little things, smiling and hand in hand.

You may have heard people say it is an ideal. But you are that kind and you are alive. You are not an ideal - You are the fact. Godspeed!

Kalyan said...

Anupama, wonderful post! it's crisp, touching and pure! My thoughts:
Love builds inch-by-inch and step-by-step as you SEE the other person changing himself to see you happy, and when you do the same for him. Positive reciprocation is a measure of how sensitive one is to the good one receives. This builds a passionate cycle of deeds, happiness and gratefulness. Love is not about how commonalities exist without a conflict… it is about how synergies build from differences.

When we walk a hundred miles, we understand the pleasure of sitting for a moment. I believe it completely. I wont know the value of an accomplishment unless the dream kept me awake through long nights after hard tiring days. It is the same with a relationship. You don’t know when it is good and worthy of being happy about unless you have walked on the gravel, barefoot, seeking to understand, sharing the little things, smiling and hand in hand.
You may have heard people say it is an ideal. But what the hell, You are that kind and you are alive. You are not an ideal - You are the fact. Godspeed!

Philip said...

Hi Anupama. Good to find you blogging. Very interesting and well-written. Will be back :)

Anupama Kondayya said...

@Cosmonaut

I couldn't have agreed more with you on your closing comment. The thing that nurtures us most - love - often gets crushed under the pressure of such paltry things as you mentioned...often under ego...sad but true. Thanks for your comment :)

@Sowmya

I sure will pray for you :) ...thanks for the comment...it is nice to write after such a long while and see people respond :)

@Vinni

Love will find you. Keep the faith...the way we all are :) . Always good to see a comment from you...

@Utsarg

Thank you for the beautiful words! You could make a whole new post out of such deep thoughts...please write soon, it will be nice to see a post from you :)

Loved the lines - ..It is the thing you surrender to... where you go and hide from entire world... into a world of your own... where after putting up a brave face in front of all adversaries and difficulties life throws at you, you can actually resign for a moment from life and let your eyes get damp and throat choked with sorrow... just because you know the person in front of you understands what you are going through..

@Satish,

Thanks for adding that profound parable to the store of the little I know...hope to hear more such stories from you. I will keep your advice on love at first sight in mind for sure and look forward to your comment on my nest post. Thanks for being such a regular reader :) ...will we see some writing from you soon too? Please? :)

@Kalyan,

Loved this sentence - "When we walk a hundred miles, we understand the pleasure of sitting for a moment.". I was kinda hoping to read more of your writing on your blog...please write :) ...your comment, as also Utsarg's, can be made into a beautiful post by itself that we could all revel in reading...thanks for it :)

@Philip,

Hey! Good to see you again...though in cyberspace. Thank you so much for your comment...hope this fellow blogger will keep receiving words from you :)