Thursday, August 21, 2008

What About Now

It was a little after spring in Bangalore and an apt time to hear a song like this – What About Now by Chris Daughtry. A song that is handing out new hope when I need it most…

I like this song for many reasons – the tune, the rock music at the core yet the soft feel on the outside, Chris’s unforgettable voice…but today and at this stage of life, I remember this song for only one reason – what it says.

I have often wondered what love is. This part of the song takes my muse further
What about now?
What about today?
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?

It characterizes my idea of love perfectly. Love is probably that which makes you what you are truly meant to be, all that you can be, much more than you are right now. Love is a positive force that can only inspire you to a higher ideal. It can only help you grow. It can only make you better. Love is the wave of strength upon which you can ride and conquer any mountain. Love is transformation, love is metamorphosis, love is growth.

If it feels heavy, feels like it is limiting you, like your hands are tied, like your deepest dearest dreams and desires have no outlet and no one to understand them, like you are being pulled back, pulled down…then in all probability it is not love. It is something else. It is for you to figure out what it is and whether it is worth it.

As for me, I am not sure what love exactly is anymore. But I do know deep in my heart that it is supposed to feel good. It is the glint in your eye. It is the bounce in your step. It is the perpetual smile in your heart. Whatever brings you all this is love. It could be something innately simple or completely wild. But it has to take you to the next level. It has to be the light in your life. It has to be the assurance that will let you take on the world.

Though I am still figuring it out, to me love is having a good and fulfilling conversation when there are things to share, sharing a silent moment at other times and being completely comfortable with it. There should be no rush to fill the silences because they are as much a part of the relationship as are the words…

Love is having morning tea together. Love is taking a walk and enjoying the breeze together or walking on the beach with sand between your toes and knowing you’re not alone. Love is watching a lovely sunset together and being glad to have someone to watch it with so you can reminisce about it later over tea and smile together. Love is also being in the same room not doing the same thing yet being peaceful inside just to have the other person around. That’s what love is – a peaceful happy feeling.

Love is knowing all that is quirky about the other person and liking him all the more for it. Love is knowing what every smile means, what is up when the other person frowns in a particular way, knowing the other person inside out. Love is ensuring the other person is comfortable. Love is wanting to see the other person happy.

It needs virtually no effort to bring small moments of infinite happiness with the other person in daily life…it just needs one to be slightly more aware about the presence of another person on life than oneself. I once read a very apt quote somewhere – Love is the realization that something other than yourself is real.

There will surely be sour moments in a relationship. But they will always give way in front of the power of love. You will be able to sleep peacefully knowing that things will be alright no matter how things are at the moment. Love will always prevail.

I know it sounds like I idealize love sometimes but I believe that it is not impossible to find the kind of love I have in mind. I was watching an episode of Scrubs the other day where Dr. John Dorian (the protagonist) said, “I do not believe that we are meant to be by ourselves”. I am clinging to that thought as if my life depended on it…

That brings me to my favourite thought from the song, one that keeps me going –

For all the things that never died,
To make it through the night,
Love will find you.

Hearing this fills me with hope. It turns the whole concept around. I have heard phrases like ‘Looking for love…’ ‘In search of love…’ etc (I used one a while ago myself). But this song makes me feel that love has a role to play too…love will find me. It makes me believe in love. It makes me think that love does not have to be a dramatic treasure hunt…it might as well softly walk up to me and catch me totally unawares to ask, “Where have you been all this while?? I have been looking for you!”

So What About Now? For now, I wait. Now its love’s turn to find me. And if you find it asking for me, tell it I’m right here.