Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Dumb and Dumber

I am getting down to business straightaway. This is about my room-mate, let's call her S. She has pissed me off enough to make me write about her (what a waste!) over all the interesting and useful topics that exist in the world.

The story of my woes begins right from the day when I moved in to this Paying-Guest accomodation about 3 months ago. It is a lovely house with all the facilities that one could need to lead a decently comfortable life.........or so I thought. I had no idea what I was in for until I entered the room to put my stuff in and realized that the piece of furniture meant to be my bed had so far been her dinner table. Anyway, miss S was kind enough to allow me to convert it back to a bed. I will never be able to repay her for that kindness. Good start, I thought..............but too soon.

Now we are three persons sharing one room of decent proportions. But the place has been hijacked by miss S. I am certain if she was staying in it alone too, there wouldn't have been place enough for her disorganization. Trust me, one of my colleagues - a bachelor - keeps his room about a 100 times cleaner than this female. He ought to be ashamed; a female has beaten him in an area that has been expertise of bachelor's since forever - dirty rooms!

Here's the icing on the cake - no manners! I am aching to find out what school she went to; that is so I can advice people in that city to not send their children there. Manners and etiquettes - indispensable aspects of a well-bred person - are not a part of their curriculum. She bangs the door so hard at even 12 in the night that it makes the window-panes tremble, no kidding! And that is after my other room-mate (poor thing, she is of the old school - Early To Bed Early To Rise) has slipped off into sound sleep. I have personally seen pet dogs resist strong reasons to bark when in presence of sleeping babies(kudos to the trainer! If you train humans or are interested in diversifying into that field, I have a specimen ready; please contact me.) And to tell you the truth, I will pick a dog over her to share my room with "any day of the week and twice on a Sunday" (in quotes is a dialogue from A Few Good Men, my favourite movie; just HAD to use it!) Miss S talks on the phone as if it is the 1960's and one has to shout real hard on trunk calls (I am still not sure if telephone lines were functional then or just show-offs; if you shout so loud your voice will be heard anywhere in the world!). If I am on the phone, my listener can hear her clearer than me(I pay the bills for a pseudo conversation between her and my friends). I can understand inconsideration to a certain extent but this is plain dumb behaviour. Even a minimally educated person will have the brains to avoid such behaviour (which is what raises a question about the school she went to; I will find out soon and let you all know. Just please don't send your kids there.)

If this was the end, I would have convinced myself to save all this time wasted typing my tragedy. But there's more: Princess S prefers the curtains to be drawn in the morning because the sunlight comes in the way of her and her sleep(she is of the new school - Late Riser) but likes them wide open when either I or my other room-mate are coming out of the bathroom; she rambles on the phone till 2 in the night if she so wishes(Oh for my Early-To-Bed room-mate) but expresses all discomfort when I am working at 11:30 pm and she wants to sleep(hey I thought that is the time most people say 'The night has just begun'); she soaks her pair of jeans in water before washing it(wait, thats not the point) for a full 6 (or was that 7.........umm.........ok whatever) days(!!!!...........!!!) - I have always loved denim but it has all my trust and respect after I have witnessed this event..........I mean the thing did not decompose( :-O )..........but the bathroom was stinking like mad (gives me another reason to believe her olfactory bulb got destroyed in a bad bout of cold in her childhood; the first reason is that the bouquet her fiance' gave her while proposing to her was on the table for more than 3 weeks (her birthday bouquet of 1 month 20 days is still on the table is what I have just noticed) and the water stank like mad - she could have donated the whole arrangement to an inquisitive science student to study how life began in water out of nothing(or maybe out of flower stalks) because I am sure by then atleast a zillion varieties of bacteria would have appeared in there and maybe a few fish and tadpoles too..........she didnt seem to notice...........otherwise I am guessing in normal circumstances a person would have thrown it away..............it is way too much to believe that sentimentality comes in between her and better (olfactory) sense............I am telling you this is plain dumb behaviour! And it keeps getting dumber.

At this point I probably sound like one non-adjusting crib baby...............but trust me that is not true and that is what pisses me.............I am sick and tired of behaving myself and being considerate and adjusting in a hope that she will someday attain enlightenment in this field by looking at my and my other room-mate's behaviour. In addition to being sick and tired I am ready to challenge Charles Darwin - man did not evolve from apes.............else she would have possibly aped some of our behaviour (Hey maybe not.............maybe as Darwin said, some genetic mutation has resulted in a loss of cognizance and learning ability in general..........behold! a new species is born).............For now, I think I will switch the lights off (it is 1:30 in the night) in a futile attempt to avenge myself (boy! she has turned me into a sadist!) lest princess S wakes up and I am awarded death sentence. You see, my life's purpose is not fulfilled yet - I am yet to find out what school she went to and save millions of people like me from dumb room mates. So, good night, sleep tight and don't let the dumb bugs bite!

2 Thinkers Pondered:

Sowmya said...

Mere muh ki baat cheen li tune... very well written. I stayed in a PG for 3 years... 4 PG's in 3 years... banging the door and moblie manners are the worst of all...

Do read my blog "Mobile Misery".

deepocean said...

Anu,

You are good at writing humour too. May be you should thank Ms S, for giving you an opportunity to showcase your sarcasm in a way that's entertaining all the readers of this blog. You see.. just looking at "positive" side of everything. :) :)

Some species are just not made to be like other human beings around.

Long live Ms. S. :))